


Planet Of The Time Swamps

by nonnie (nenya_kanadka)



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Mary Poppins (1964)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Kid Fic, Nonnies Made Me Do It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2218731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nenya_kanadka/pseuds/nonnie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara is supernaturally de-aged, so The Doctor invites Mary Poppins onto the TARDIS to babysit.</p><p>Written for the Bad Bang insta-bigbang.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Planet Of The Time Swamps

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I should be sorry or not.

"Oh no!" cried the Twelfth Doctor. "Clara! Come back!" 

But it was too late. The planet of the Time Swamps was a dangerous place for anyone, but even more so for time travellers. He probably should have warned his companion before she ran out the door of the TARDIS. But, alas, she was too fast for him. Even though she had shorter legs.

He settled for shouting "Don't fall in the puddles!" as he picked his way over the humps of muddy swamp grass. 

But, again, it was too late. Clara tripped over a rock and fell face-first into a Time Swamp puddle. There was a little *vworp!* noise. By the time the Doctor caught up with her, it was all over. 

Clara's miniskirt now came all the way down to her ankles, and she was swimming in her t-shirt. The Impossible Girl was now impossibly small. It looked like she was about four years old. And not happy about it.

"I want my mommy!" Clara wailed. (You would, too, if you were suddenly four years old and stuck on a muddy planet with a guy with eyebrows like that.)

"Oh, dear," said Twelve. 

He squatted down by the puddle, which was difficult in his tightly-fitted trousers. Clara backed away. "Come along, Oswald?" he tried.

Clara sniffled harder. "No," she said. 

"Oh, dear," the Doctor repeated. 

"I'm all wet," cried little Clara. "And I want a cookie. And a pony. And my mommmeeee!" 

"I think your mother's dead," said Twelve. 

Clara burst into tears. Big ugly toddler tears from big huge brown eyes. 

Suddenly the Doctor knew just what to do. He picked up his erstwhile companion and jogged back to the TARDIS. "It's a good thing I'm not the only Time Lord obsessed with Earth," he muttered.

Mary Poppins was taking a walk with her umbrella when the big blue box materialized right in her path. "Mary!" cried the surprisingly sexy older man who stuck his head out the door. "You're just the one I wanted to see!" 

"Doctor," said the Time Lady warily, gripping her umbrella. 

"Are you still pretending to be a nanny?"

Mary Poppins drew herself up to her full height. "I'm most certainly not. Pretending, that is." 

"Look," said the Doctor, fidgeting with his hands. "I've run into a spot of trouble. My companion's been de-aged." 

"What, again?" 

"Um." He didn't remember it happening before, but then again, he was prone to forgetting things when he regenerated. At least when he had wandered around outside being weird this time he had a proper nightshirt on instead of just a sheet. Also, shoes. Right, where was he? Oh, yes-- "I'd take her to a nursery on Gallifrey except I seem to have misplaced the planet. Can you help me?"

"Psh," said Mary Poppins, elbowing him aside. "Of course I can." 

Clara was sitting in a pile of damp towels and tears when Mary Poppins breezed into the TARDIS. "Up you get," said Mary Poppins briskly. Clara looked at her in awe. She had always had a crush on Julie Andrews. 

Twelve wasn't sure how she did it, but in less time than it takes to tell, Mary Poppins had made Clara stop crying. She even found some children's clothes in the TARDIS wardrobe. But she made the Doctor pick up the pile of wet towels and clothes strewn all over the floor of the console room. "A tidy console room is the sign of a tidy mind," she said. "Though of course I don't expect it from you, of all people, Theta."

"It's times like this I'm glad I never actually travelled with little Amelia," muttered Twelve under his breath, as he carted the muddy clothes off towards the laundry room. The TARDIS made him work for it, too. It took half an hour to find the washing machines. 

When he got back, Mary Poppins had made hot cocoa for herself and Clara, and Clara was half-asleep in her lap. It was so adorable that he couldn't help himself.

"Marry me, Mary," said Twelve.

"What about River, and Elizabeth, and Romana, and the Master, and your frankly risque romance with your TARDIS?"

"Oh never mind them," said Twelve. "It's you I've always loved, Mary Poppins."

"Okay," said Mary. So they did. And Clara was ring-bearer. (She made an impossible flower girl.) 

And they were all very happy until Clara got old enough to understand that she was going to have to go through puberty _twice_. Then she kidnapped the TARDIS and took them back to the planet of the Time Swamps. And dumped the Doctor in. 

~*~*~The End~*~*~

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Planet Of The Time Swamps - Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2241240) by Anonymous 




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